honey bunches of taint.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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