The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
