Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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