i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
