She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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