Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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