Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
