you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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