this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
