hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
