that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
