Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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