there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
