my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
