I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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