you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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