Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
