guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
