Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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