i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
