I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
