Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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