"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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