I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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