If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
