Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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