Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
