They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
