my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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