I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
