I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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