Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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