I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
