My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
