I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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