tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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