She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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