Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
