if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
