I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
