I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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