he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do herpes really smell.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
