Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to make a zoo with you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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