woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We have started to decorate penises.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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