I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
