chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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