Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
