i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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