Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
