Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
