I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
