I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
