Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
