I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
