My first STD was from a foam party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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