Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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