his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
